Monday, 5 September 2011

The butterfly effect

Today's the day. The lovely Maestro becomes mine!

Last night I sent up a sky lantern - with help from a friend. We decorated it in messages of luck and drawings of my little boat, it was amazing to watch it float away. Best of all, we then saw a shooting star - a really bright one, dazzling white, falling to the horizon so fast I almost thought I'd imagined it, but for my companion saying "did you see that!". What better omen can there be? What better sign that the gods of the sea and the wind approve of my idea?

So, much as I am apprehensive about what I am doing, I feel distinctly positive, and last night's stellar sign only serves to reinforce the feeling of fatalism; a predefined course; a path that must be seen through to the end; a compelling "rightness".

The odds maybe tilted slightly away from my favour but for the first time in months I feel as though I have a purpose, something to aim for, and also a lifeline to pull me out of the stasis I have been enduring. I now have a reason, something to do for myself and no one else's benefit. I will have my own space and my own time, and if I'm truly honest, I will soon have the ability to put space between myself and the things that trouble me. A bit like running away only more considered, a conscious decision and knowledge that if I stop moving I will decay here, the situation around me driving me to the point of breakdown.

I thought I liked life black and white, ones and zeros, all organised in a neatist little pattern, but I believe I have now seen the light. I've realised that the randomness and chaos around us is in fact the pattern. Everything is flux, as they say...... Embrace that flux, love the unknown, dive off that cliff.


  1. That sounds absolutely heavenly. I've always wanted my own boat. Unfortunately, there's no water around here. So enjoy that little beauty!