Monday, 5 September 2011

The butterfly effect

Today's the day. The lovely Maestro becomes mine!

Last night I sent up a sky lantern - with help from a friend. We decorated it in messages of luck and drawings of my little boat, it was amazing to watch it float away. Best of all, we then saw a shooting star - a really bright one, dazzling white, falling to the horizon so fast I almost thought I'd imagined it, but for my companion saying "did you see that!". What better omen can there be? What better sign that the gods of the sea and the wind approve of my idea?

So, much as I am apprehensive about what I am doing, I feel distinctly positive, and last night's stellar sign only serves to reinforce the feeling of fatalism; a predefined course; a path that must be seen through to the end; a compelling "rightness".

The odds maybe tilted slightly away from my favour but for the first time in months I feel as though I have a purpose, something to aim for, and also a lifeline to pull me out of the stasis I have been enduring. I now have a reason, something to do for myself and no one else's benefit. I will have my own space and my own time, and if I'm truly honest, I will soon have the ability to put space between myself and the things that trouble me. A bit like running away only more considered, a conscious decision and knowledge that if I stop moving I will decay here, the situation around me driving me to the point of breakdown.

I thought I liked life black and white, ones and zeros, all organised in a neatist little pattern, but I believe I have now seen the light. I've realised that the randomness and chaos around us is in fact the pattern. Everything is flux, as they say...... Embrace that flux, love the unknown, dive off that cliff.

A lesson to be learned?

In order to while away the time, and to learn all I can about my new mode of living, I have been scouring amazon / kindle etc for free books on sailing. As it happens, most of the freebies are trials whereby you get to read the first chapter then have to buy the rest. Sailing Solo Alone by J. J. James was listed amongst the other books and as an information magpie I naturally had to have a look. The title was slightly intriguing; surely if you are solo then you are alone already?

"This short novel is written as a warning to those who would be foolish enough not to give the Sea the respect She deserves.
It's also meant to make you laugh a bit."

Well........ I read the free introductory part in about 15 minutes flat. And did I then need to know how our hero (to quote Amazon) went on with the 18ft Solo? Of course I did. What followed was the most entertainment I've had for under 3 quid in a very long time!

And the unfortunate side to this? Do I feel put off my quest following the adventures of somebody who is certainly no less qualified than myself (probably more so given that I come from inland, where we have no sea, and given that my seafaring experience is limited to rides on a couple of small passenger ferries)? I guess oops really isn't going to cut it? 

I suppose I'm certainly going to be giving the sea plenty of respect (I'm actually rather glad that sailors no longer need to sacrifice virginal maidens - I don't think there's many of those in Torquay), I'm more than aware of it's potential for destruction, but am I too harbouring secret dreams of circumnavigating the world? You bet! Did reading of another's very near death in a similar situation quell that desire? Erm, no would be the answer to that! On reflection, I do think sailing lessons may be a good idea though.